Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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