the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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