Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
