Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
