you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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