i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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