he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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