you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
