Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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