I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
