He disabled his match.com account in front of me
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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