is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
