I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
