dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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