So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
