I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I don't think brook has ever known best
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize