I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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