you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
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His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
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The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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