woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Randomize
