i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
