I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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