I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
