weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
