I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
