Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Panties = found
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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