his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He better not be in your backpack
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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