Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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