The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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