The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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