I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i black out too much to be "responsible"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
