I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
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Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
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I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize