I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
