I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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