Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
