I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
