You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
