You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
