question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
