mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Pants are for mortals
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
