Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
