i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Girls should come with a carfax report
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
