Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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