Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
