I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
