didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
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