I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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