So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
