When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
