he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
