At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
