we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
