Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
