I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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