I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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