I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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