I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
