I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
