I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
