A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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