I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
