And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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